My wife had an affair several months ago and it’s shattered my world. Honestly, I feel like such a fool. As if everyone is laughing at me behind my back. How can I move past this paranoia?


Pete replies…


You are describing being worried about what other people think of you. This is one of the worst afflictions of our time. We spend an incredible amount of time comparing ourselves to others and worrying about what they think about us.


And the truth of it is that your life is your business and NO body else’s.


The other truth is this – what other people think of you is NONE of your business.


If you chose to wear a pink polythene shirt and asked 100 people what they thought, you’d get close to 100 different answers. Who cares what type or colour shirt you wear other than you – it’s your shirt. You have to buy it, you have to get it washed and pressed, you need to make sure the buttons work and it’s not ripped enough that it doesn’t keep you warm. The ONLY person who is really affected by what shirt you wear is you – so whatever anybody else says about it is meaningless.


It is exactly that same with your wife having an affair – it is only really her business. But everyone will want to have an opinion – and many are selfish enough to dump their opinion on you without you even asking them too.


My suggestion  if anyone does try to do this is to stop them before they get to dump their opinion on you. If they keep talking, walk away. And whilst you are away, see the selfishness of their actions  – you’re not asking them to have an opinion and it’s none of their business anyway.


Your wife had the affair – it’s her business. Everyone would have an opinion, some people would express their opinion by laughing at you – sure. Nobody elses opinion matters. And now you have the information of her choices, you get to talk with her about it in terms of what it means for your relationship. Anyone who is laughing at you is not in your relationship.


Accept that people are opinionated. It briefly makes them feel important. They would be much more productive in their own lives if they spent time working on their own relationships rather than spouting opinions about other peoples. Let them go and your fears of what they are thinking – you can’t control this, so why try. What they are thinking is none of your business and you don’t need to have an opinion of them.


Since you are struggling with the issue of your wife’s affair, you might try to seek some sort of one-to one help and guidance too.

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