Affairs are full of secrecy, making them seem exciting, desperate, and passionate. They are unsafe, and so we experience surges of adrenaline that make us feel like we’re on top of the world. If you’re trying to repair your marriage after being unfaithful to your spouse, you may be wondering if it’s possible to feel such excitement and passion with your partner.

If this is your expectation or hope, your marriage is likely to run into further difficulty. Why? Because the danger and fear of getting caught that is present during an affair is absent in a marriage. There is nothing wrong with having sex with your spouse, so what you experience during a sexual affair will not occur when getting intimate with your partner.

Before we get started, we must address the word passion. Passion and love couldn’t be any more different, and it’s important to note that. It’s almost like comparing apples to ice cream. Passion isn’t what our relationships need. What we need to be addressing when healing a marriage from infidelity is unconditional love.

This kind of love means that we care about how our partner feels without thinking about what we will get in return for our attention to them. Nothing about infidelity is unconditional. An affair, by definition, is the epitome of seeking a relationship in which our only care is what we get out of it – passion and excitement.

With unconditional love, we begin to care more of what our spouse is getting out of the relationship than what we are receiving from it. When we introduce such a love into our marriages, everything about our relationship will change, including the way we feel towards our spouses and our level of sexual intimacy. With unconditional love, our sole concern during sex should be whether or not our spouse is enjoying it. Once this occurs, we open up the door to a whole new kind of sexual activity that is fueled by love, not lust, making it more intense and, and dare I say exciting and passionate.  

Once you experience real, true, unconditional love, short bursts of excitement become insignificant and unsatisfying. The intimacy and sexual connection that results as a product of such a love is an experience that you would choose over passion and excitement again and again – I guarantee it.